In the beginning: As a Neanderthal, I discovered new ways to amuse my cave friends by flailing my arms, making strange noises, and banging on big pieces of wood.
Waving Stick on Fire
But then my "waving stick on fire" routine got out of hand, and as everyone laughed, I set myself on fire and fell into the wrong cave.
Even the bear that lived there was amused; he thought I tasted very funny.
Patrick Through the Millennia
61 AD: Stoned to death for making ill-advised joke about Nero fiddling with himself.
200 – 500 AD: Village Idiot.
600 AD: Pummeled by Beowulf for crack about him and Grendel’s Mother.
800 AD: Originally coined the phrase "Whoop there it is!" – run out of town by angry villagers.
900 – 1400 AD: Village Idiot
1550 AD: Caught the little know and bizarre, yet fatal, Blue Plague.
1635 AD: Excommunicated from the Church for blurting out “The Archbishop is so fat, maybe the sun orbits him” Galileo laughed; I was nearly burned at the stake.
1710 AD: Note to self – Puritans Hate Jesters.
1804 AD: Exiled for yelling “Bring in the little man!!” whenever Napoleon entered the room.
1904 AD: Part of the little know “Freak Show” at the St. Louis Wood’s Fair. (Half-truth/Half pure and utter nonsense)
1970 - Present:
(Half-truth/Half pure and utter nonsense).
Born into a family of Tibetan Sherpas, I learned to sing and play violin at an early age. When our caravan crossed paths with an itinerant Sandinista rebel group, they taught me piano and bass.
Following two tours on the high seas with a one-eyed captain, I moved to Boston to study the most comical of all subjects, Renaissance Literature, music and sneaking into Fenway Park, and upon graduation I began a long stint as a rodeo clown.
Soon I found myself in the Virgin Islands, where I worked on perfecting the art of performing, sea kayaking, rum tasting and laying around in a hammock. It was there that I lived among the iguanas and they taught me the art of love.
Back in Philadelphia once more, I apprenticed myself to a Master Goldsmith where I learned, to my disbelief, that beauty is hidden deep within me (whereas the ugly remained, as always, right there in the mirror).
It was also here that I began the 8 1/2 year tour with a raucous and wild party band called “GEAR”.
My years of study in the arts of public humiliation served me well and the Monkey flourished in a scene of pandemonium, music, and pure demented party-style chaos (and hundreds of crazy hats – this is all true, and I have pictures and eye-witness accounts to prove it!
I then moved to Florida on the back of a giant marmoset with nothing but a box of travel books, four guitars, and $45,000 in Disney Fun Money, to run a gallery on – where else – Gallery Row.
Finally was taken pity on by a kindly English gent named Derek (maybe you know him), who say through the apparently normal facade, and realized, "that’s one genuinely odd person there, but what harm could it do to let him play a little guitar on Saturday Nights" – what harm indeed!
And so it came to pass that, nearly two years ago, the Monkey began once again flailing his arms making strange noises, and banging on big pieces of wood…the Idiot had found a new village.
It was also here that I began the 8 1/2 year tour with a raucous and wild party band called “GEAR”.
with nothing but a box of travel books, four guitars, and $45,000 in Disney Fun Money, to run a gallery on – where else – Gallery Row. 
